the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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