Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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