I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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