it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize