ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
