wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Randomize
