i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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