Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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