It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
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