Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
