Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
