You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
