Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
her vagine was all disorganized.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
