oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
