If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
