All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
