I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
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