ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
He did a backflip because drugs
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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