that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
i think i just lost a toe
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
