Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
