You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
