Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
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