Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
