just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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