Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
