Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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