Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
