Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
