No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize