I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
did i just pee glitter
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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