I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
