do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
