I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize