It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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