i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
