The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
third nipple confirmed
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
