I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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