just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
