Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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