The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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