who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
