Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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