PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
