somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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