On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
