Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
