you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
we're making bets on your personal life
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
its liver damage thursday
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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