Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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