oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
