He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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