So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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