My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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