The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
