apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
