If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
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