Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
