The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
