I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
