So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i just google imaged poop.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
