Dual....:-)
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
