guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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