I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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