he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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