Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
