Only a mothe r could love this liver
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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