I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
