good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
