I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
