I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
