I forgot how hot balto sounded
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize