In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
