God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize