Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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