she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
