we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
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