Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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