he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
