God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
