I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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