he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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