I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
