Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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