I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
So much rum. So many feels.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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