You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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