you guys were way drunker than both of me
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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