we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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