I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
And then he peed in my hair
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
