Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
