If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
