i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
