After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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