I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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