You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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