can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
