remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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