I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize