Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Randomize
