I can text with my tongue
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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