You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
