Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Even my vagina gasped.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
