I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
she told me i tasted like america
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
