I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize