You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
