Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I think i got beer on your cat.
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