how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
