From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
