nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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