I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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