Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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