proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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