i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
